Thursday, January 29, 2004 · 0 comments

Amazing... how information can change you. Change the way you view the world, the way you treat people. Learnt more in 15 minutes about how people view me than I ever could in months. And then again, its only a view from one source.

One source... Satisfaction, peace, love, strength, joy, hope. Where it all comes from. All these are free... But just how much of it is actually pressed into your palm? None... Not one. You have to take... You have to grab. Correct me if I'm wrong.... These things are not forced onto you... You don't magically have them when you spend time with God. They are there for you to take, that is true. but its just out of the reach of your grimy little hands so that you actually have to get off your butt and do something to get it. As far as I see it, God just ensures that you don't get overwhelmed... And He's been faithful with that.

Once again, reputation comes to mind... But then it goes right out.
Things that go unsaid... unspoken words, prejudice, impressions... like a parasite eating away at the body of Christ.

The action itself is not wrong... But the motive behind it. It stinks...
Ask again why you don't have it. Ask again why your prayers go unanswered. Ask again why you struggle so hard. Ask why you can't find it.
And I'll ask of your purpose for it...

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 · 0 comments

So we've clarified things with our ex-database lecturer. She's super helpful and smart. One look at our poor excuse for a database design and she picked out what needed to be changed and what needed to be included.

Waiting for awhile before I head down to church for practice with Ignite. Hopefully practice will be better than what it was last week. Looking forward to playing at Elements. I mean it was where plainsunset had their album launch and its also the new home of sonic-edge! Extremely good location for gigging... I really want Ignite to do well.

I wonder where I'll be able to get a band that keeps up with me like cheapthrills does. But at the same time pushing me to improve myself... I wonder if I'll ever get to play music that I enjoy. I wonder if I can ever become a very good drummer... Then again, all these things are secondary... Pardon me for sounding so sullen... I've been reading Ecclesiastes lately. You want God's perspective? Read that book.

Gotta run now... Practice starts at 7pm...

· 0 comments

Heheh.. Eating my Sausage McMuffin with Egg now. Had a sudden craving for it during the lab just now. So when the lecturer left for his 'break', I walked to the macdonalds at the community centre.

Had jamming yesterday at this studio around bugis... Its called beatmerchants i think. It was a nice, spacious, well-maintained studio. The guys had fun prancing around. We even worked on a new song there... Very 'thursday' and 'coheed & cambria'. Don't think i'll be working on it with them. Yep... Stepping down already. Need the time to focus on God, worship band, studies and Cell Group.
They've found a new drummer already I think. Screamer/Drummer Hafiz... They'll move up now. Heh... Only Matt and Shen are from the 'original' cheapthrills lineup.

Gotta go for class now... CPDC.. Boring!

Monday, January 26, 2004 · 0 comments

Sigh... Its the end of the long weekend already. Its really time to get started. Have to start putting in effort in my school work already.

I got my birthday present from the CG today... They pooled money to get me a mp3 discman!!! A good quality, working discman with anti-skip protection which really prevents skipping!!! Haha... The one my bro got me for Christmas is kinda like 'pirated' so I have trouble listening to music. But its the thought which counts! ;P

Its no fun being ignored... As if you're not good enough to be cared about. But thats how it is. Thats how things really are. Although I'd much prefer a straight no than to be ignored.

Going to spend time with God now. Today has been a good day. Went early to church for prayer. Then had a wonderful worship on the drums. Then watched an excellent movie with Jeremy, Nathan, Elissa and Eunice. THE LAST SAMURAI... I give it a 4 out of 5. Recommended for those who like shows like Braveheart... :P

Friday, January 23, 2004 · 0 comments

The old has gone, the new is coming


Looking back shouldn't pull you down. It should only motivate you to move forward. I guess that its good that things have been cleared up. I try to be honest with the people around me. I try to say things that matter without appearing judgemental. I really hope that people can be that way with me too! Sometimes people don't care enough to point out your mistakes and thats really a shame.

I find ridiculous it how people can draw conclusions about others by only knowing one aspect of their lives. It just doesn't make sense... For example, I write poems when I'm depressed... So my poems are sad. But is it fair to draw the conclusion that I suffer from depression because all the poems I write are sad?
Likewise, all of me isn't portrayed in this blog. It reveals me, but it isn't all of what I am.

I've decided to put away the money that I've collected through Chinese New Year to save for my Rhema Education. Heard that it was about $250 a term. So 8 terms x $250 = $2000... I think I have enough for one term already. Haha...

Dear God... I'm sorry for the way I behaved this past week. I was out of line. Not so much the things I did, but more of what I thought. Forgive me. Thank You for sending people to encourage me to keep going. Thank You for putting things in perspective again. Thank You for bearing with me. Help me as I try to become what You want me to be.

Monday, January 19, 2004 · 0 comments

The Cake

Had dinner with my family this evening... The food was good and I'm really touched by their sharing after dinner. There's nothing like realising how people have been affected by you, be it good or bad... Generally, it was good.

::: Verse of the Day :::
Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land;
but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.
| Isaiah 1:18-20 |

::: Quote of the Day :::
Many times we miss a good opportunity because we are not sensitive to the voice of God.

Sunday, January 18, 2004 · 0 comments

Its nice to spend the evening with people who matter... People you respect and look up to. As well as people you care about. Ah well... Hoping that my 3rd wish, the secret one, comes true.

I'll be 21 in a few minutes... What am I supposed to do now? All the questions are coming back. All the anxiety... The ache of going through a landmark in your life without having someone special to share it with. The yearning to have someone to go through life with... And not just anyone... Someone special.

'Daryl... Come on! You're still so young.'
Yes I am... I should quit whining. I should. But it doesn't make it any easier. I should stop behaving like a spoilt brat who can't tell right from wrong. Maybe I'm still sore. I don't know.
Adult already... Less room for mistakes. Less chances. Less slack. More responsibility.
I'm flailing and floundering even before I've started. This is ridiculous. I'm so afraid I'll miss it.

Dear God... Break me again if I need it. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss it. Cos I haven't been in the right frame of mind for 2 weeks and it sucks. It feels like I've heard and done all these things already. And it feels like I'm repeating myself and it feels like I stuck where I've been for all this time. And it sucks. I don't want to be stuck here. I want to fulfill what you've planned for me. I want to be dangerous for You. How can I be dangerous for You if I keep thinking about myself. Is there a solution? Or am I supposed to go on in spite of what I feel?
Please answer.
Amen

Saturday, January 17, 2004 · 0 comments

Its where you pray together for things that matter to the church. Your problems take the back seat for the night. Just thinking about something that God challenged me to do. I'm into day 4 of 15... Its not easy, especially the battles that rage in your mind.

I should be going to bed now... Have make up lesson at 8am. That means I have about 4 hours of sleep left. Not much at all... Tomorrow is going to be a long day too. Have to go down to Elements at ANA Hotel to recce the place for Ignite's gig... Yep its the same place Plain Sunset had their album launch. Exciting...

::: Verse of the Day :::
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
| James 4:3 |

Thursday, January 15, 2004 · 0 comments

Played soccer yesterday... Find it strange that I play better in my fake adidas martials arts shoes than in my original adidas soccer shoes. Weird. Anyway, I got asked to play for a team for the director's cup (ITAS street soccer tournament) by this guy called Fharook. This guy's team knocked my class team out of the tournament last year. Not difficult considering the standard of my class. :P He said that 'I could play', which is one heck of a compliment. The tournament will be held in February I think.

Had jamming last night. Cheapthrills won't be playing on the 17th... That gig is packed already. We will be playing on the 31st though... I think my last gig for cheapthrills. Already, practices and gigs are clashing with cell and church activities... I'll probably still play if I have the time. But considering that they would want to work on new songs, I don't think I'll have the time to jam and play for them. Glad that they didn't take it too badly though... Haha. Maybe its cos i'm not much of a loss... :P

Got this from an article... Many more people than myself feel and struggle the way I do.

An excerpt...
I met a woman who saw worth in me where I had seen little. The hard, cynical shell I had carefully cultivated as a form of protection split apart like a carapace, and to my surprise I discovered that vulnerability need not mean danger. Romance gives intriguing hints of transcendence. I am "possessed" by the one I love. I think of her day and night, languish when she leaves me, perform brave deeds to impress her, revel in her attention, live for her, even die for her. I want to be both heroic and meek at the same time. For a time, and only for a time, I can live on that edge of exaltation. Then reality sets in, or boredom, betrayal, old age, or death. At least, though, I can see in it a glimpse of God's infinite capacity for such attention. Could this be how God views us?

And another...
Sex is such a powerful force that a young person may have trouble understanding how anything else could ever eclipse it. Most married people will tell you that sex within marriage is neither as easy nor as important as they had imagined before marriage. It expresses intimacy, yes, and provides pleasure. But much of marriage consists in making day-to-day decisions, managing the complexities of careers and schedules, rearing children, negotiating differences, juggling finances, and all the other effort involved in keeping a home running.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Understand... Learn...
Its an ongoing struggle...
Gnawing at your heart
Down: A pain that cannot be dulled

My screams are heard...
Nothing else feels like this hollow
But I know...
Up: A peace that cannot be understood

The urge... The yearning...
It must not distract
Natural if left alone
Sin if pursued...

To be able to choose
is to be loved.
To make the right choice
is to love.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 ·

Met up with Pat, Ben and Gloria at Plaza Singapura's Cafe Cartel. Spent almost 3 hours discussing about the cell.. We've gotten our Mission, Vision and Goals out already.

Life's been pretty much the same these few days. Trying to communicate with God again... Hafta practice what you teach!

A distant memory becomes fainter...

::: Lyric of the Day :::
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me

I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
|taking back sunday - cute without the e|

Monday, January 12, 2004 · 0 comments

Good afternoon... I'm still in school even though school ended at 12... My project group already left. Sitting in the FYP labs listening to music and playing popcap games.

I feel as if theres something I'm not doing... Yesterday I went for the prayer gathering before service. I was playing the guitar but I couldn't get into worshipping and praying. It was better during the service but I keep feeling that there's something I'm not doing. Seeking Him? I really don't want to miss it when it comes... I don't just want to be a bystander. I don't want just to know whats going on and not be part of it.

Seven more days... Its like coming to the end of the rail that you've been travelling on for so long. What happens after that? Have another covenant just to have a purpose to follow?

This reminds me of those who have been released from prison after a very long sentence. I mean, after so long, you forget what its like to live in civilisation. Some commit crimes just to get thrown back in prison. To be where they feel comfortable and have a system and rules to follow.
I'm not saying that this covenant is like prison. I'm talking about the concept. From a stream into a river...

Seeking to please the wrong master...

::: Question of the Day :::
What do they really look for? What is it that I don't have?

Sunday, January 11, 2004 · 0 comments

Going to sleep soon... Just a quick entry.
Word was quite good I think... Enjoyed leading it. The members were encouraging.
Good night.

Saturday, January 10, 2004 · 0 comments

Good afternoon... Its scorching hot outside today. Weather you can die in... :P Just finished preparing word... Actually I just read through the verses. Got the general flow of the teaching... Hope that the cell will be able to understand...

Having prayer seminar later on as well at 2:30pm... Wondering why some people still choose not to go. Why don't they want to learn? Passion must be based on knowledge. (Word material :P Haha...) How long will you stay as spiritual babies? (Not that I'm very mature... But thats beside the point) How long will you keep feeding them the same things. Lets move on to higher things. Our authority in Christ, what we can do for God... Thats what they're hungering for. Not the same repeated teachings of salvation in Jesus Christ... (Not that its not important!)
You can't keep teaching 1+1 throughout school right?

I don't need pity. I wasn't looking for it. I was down cos I tried and was unsuccessful. I don't need pity. I needed time... To get back on my feet. I knew how. I DO NOT NEED PITY. I need prayer.

Was thinking about armour of God yesterday. There's a helmet of salvation to protect the head and so I assume the mind as well... So how does salvation protect your mind from thoughts? Or is this a different thing? Maybe the mind has to be renewed by yourself. So whats the helmet for then? Still trying to find out.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004 ·

Happy birthday to my Blog.. Its been one year since I started Blogging... A year of learning. Through mistakes and through experience. I've found that I ususally learn things the hard way. Hopefully this will change in time.

I'm starting to get a hang of 'Believer's Authority'... Going up! Reluctant but going up nonetheless.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
And I have nothing left to say...
And I'm still here waiting
for uncertainty to die
And for her eyes to see

It couldn't be any worse could it?
Does the bad guy know he's wrong?
Or is he just fighting for what he sincerly believes in?
Cos I'm the bad guy in this story
The reversal of roles still confuses

How much does he love you?
Any doubts that I wouldn't love you more?
Any doubts that I wouldn't give my all?
Does he impress you with his words?
Are you loving with percentage now?

I loved you too much remember?
It has to be something else
I'm stopping soon
Obsession can't be good...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

::: Lyric of the Day :::
I've been watching you and all you do
For quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
I should've known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light
| save ferris - let me in |

Tuesday, January 06, 2004 · 0 comments

I don't know why I keep trying. Its like slamming your head into a wall over and over and over and over again... True love? Or stupidity? Ladies and Gentlemen... I'm afraid that its beginning to look like the latter. Anyway, school has been bearable so far... I should be getting stressed out now but I thank God that I'm not. Its like I'm floating above it. I hope I'm not avoiding reality. The project has gotten off to quite a slow start. But at least we still in time for the first submission due this friday.

Andy asked me about helping to mentor a few people. I think it'll be good. Made it clear that I still wanted one on one bible study. I want to start mentoring but I know I've got to deal with this first... Things really don't look good on this subject. To wait or not to wait. One way or another, I've got to stop this. I've got to put it aside.

I WILL spend time with God tonight...

::: Quote of the Day :::
Theres'a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves.
The man looks like a boy on his birthday and he treats the woman as if he were a gift that he's waited so long to open.

Sunday, January 04, 2004 · 0 comments

I'm feeling down... Really.. Its been awhile since i've whined. I have 15 days left. I've made such a mess of this covenant. Not that it hasn't been good for me... Just that I've let myself down in certain areas. Lynette says to consider 1 or 2 more years. Honestly, I don't want to. But then again, just because I'm done with this covenant doesn't mean that I'll find someone immediately.

What to do... I can't keep going through life with this on my mind... Its no fun. School starts tomorrow at 8... Ends at 3. Will go to church to pick up the 'goods' and then go home for a nap.

The comments are nice. Thanks for reading. Or at least for looking at the pictures... :-/

::: Lyric of the Day :::
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.

Friday, January 02, 2004 · 0 comments


My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.
Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart;
For they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

The Visits

The Encouragement

Books I'm Reading

  • The Practice Of The Presence Of God by Brother Lawrence
  • Vintage Jesus by Mark Driscoll
  • A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller
  • A Royal Waste Of Time by Marva J. Dawn
  • Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott
  • Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller
  • Thriving As An Artist In The Church by Rory Noland
  • The Adventure Of Worship by Gerrit Gustafson
  • Christ The Lord: The Road To Cana by Anne Rice
  • Christ The Lord: Out of Egypt by Anne Rice
  • Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller
  • Sex God by Rob Bell
  • Jesus Wants To Save Christians by Rob Bell
  • Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
  • Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
  • The Wigglesworth Standard by Peter J. Madden

The Journey